asking a better question
It’s our standing policy to never discuss churches or leaders by name, but this post is done with prior approval of all parties with an interest in real-time learning.
We would never name people we work with and take that very seriously. We appreciate the spirit and ministry of this church and all named here.
-Team Lp
by Dave Miller/Co-Founder
A leadership resident’s success is going to rise and fall on the success of their boss to coach them. Coaching young leaders is different. It is more than mentoring, and it is more than discipling, and more than just “having their back.” Asking great questions is central to coaching. Recently, Kristin wrote about helping young leaders learn how to ask better questions, but sometimes it’s also on the coach to ensure this happens.
What are you reading?
vs
What are you writing?
At Lp, we work with all sorts of churches. We love working with multi-site churches of over 30,000, rural churches of 125, and all sorts of churches in between. We work with about every denomination too. They’re all unique, and yes, it’s a blast to get this perspective on the Kingdom.
This past year I’ve been blessed (and I mean it) to do some coaching at Church of the Nativity. It’s a parish of several thousand in Baltimore. When I got the opportunity I jumped at the chance to engage four young leaders on their team through what we call First Steps. First Steps Coaching is a year long engagement for those who are already full-time in ministry. The focus is centered on the twenty soft skills that we focus on in a normal residency, but these leaders in First Steps are already in their full-time ministry life.
Like most churches we work with I love this place and everyone I’ve been privileged to meet there.
So it turns out coaching young catholic leaders is a lot like coaching young leaders of any church. I thought I might need to learn some sort of secret handshake, but Sammy, Jenny, and Leah all began to talk about helping their peers, families, and kids experience Jesus. They talk about the importance of the Church. They speak often about wanting to do great work for Christ and His Kingdom. They’re trying to navigate their vocation, their calling, and their life with Christ.
Coaching is never easy, but I love it.
One of these leaders is Henry White. We never mention names or show faces when discussing the churches we have the privilege of working with. However, with his permission, I’d like to share what I’ve been learning.
I don’t mean what he’s been learning. You’ll have to ask him that. We often say that coaching is a two-way street of learning. Stan Endicott of Slingshot Group taught me long ago to “stay curious.” When I take the time to be quiet I can show up and be curious and ask good questions (and I remember to look back at notes and keep my Lp Guidebook in front of me!).
So a few months ago in a Zoom with Henry, I started to ask him “What are you reading?” but instead, for some reason the Spirit of Christ nudged me to twist the question, and I blurted out, “Henry, what are you writing these days?”
This led to a spirited discussion about content, books, Chat GPT, and the role of content with Gen Z and Alpha moving forward. Henry is finishing his first year of full-time ministry employment so I asked him for “500 words as a listicle with follow-up questions about what someone who just did one year on a church staff should be thinking…and you cannot use Chat GPT because I will **know.”
A week later he sent me his post (again, with his permission it’s below).
Fast forward a few weeks, we were on our next session, and guess what my questions were? They were the questions he had given me in the post. What else was great is that he was struggling to give answers to those questions. At the end of our session, I said, “Henry, guess where I got these questions I’ve been peppering you with?” He started laughing. It was a great session and I look forward to the next one.
**I think I was bluffing.
Here’s Henry’s homework unedited:
Henry White (Homework for Dave)
The Ripple Effect
3 Pieces of Advice in Your First Year of Ministry
Well, here you are! You’ve successfully graduated from college, and you’ve found yourself working for a church. Perhaps you’ve been planning this for quite some time, or God just had different plans for you so he redirected your paths. Either way, you’re here… You’re working for the man or should I say you’re working for THE Man.
Your first year in ministry is going to feel like a whirlwind of learning, leading, and finding your voice. You want to have influence once walking through those doors, but influence isn’t about titles or having all the answers. It’s actually about showing up in a way that invites others to see God through you.
You’re on fire for the Lord and want to see results right now, I get it, we all do. But that takes time. God’s timing is perfect so He wants you to grow first. So with that being said, as you grow, remember these three keys to cultivating influence that lasts.
1. Serve Before You Lead
Brad Montague is an author who has a famous saying, and chances are you’ve heard it. That saying is, “Be somebody who makes everybody feel like a somebody”. Here’s the first secret: influence starts with service. Christ says, “those who exalts himself will be humbled, and those who humble themselves, will be exalted”. You should show up early, stay late, and take on jobs other employees don’t want. People will notice if you put others first. Just humble yourself.
2. Be Humble Enough to Learn
St. Augustine wrote, “Do you wish to rise? Begin by descending. You plan a tower that will pierce the clouds? Lay first the foundation of humility.” Your first year isn’t about proving yourself but about being teachable. It’s essential to ask questions, and listen deeply. You have to learn from everyone – from your pastor, even to as low as those who change the toilet paper in the bathrooms. Humility will make you magnetic, and people are drawn to leaders who value growth over ego.
3. Elevate Others
Good leaders raise up those around them. You have to notice the small wins, speak encouragement, and celebrate the team’s efforts. When you do this, you’re showing that they matter. When you make people feel valued, your influence will multiply. Don’t worry about being the loudest in the room. Be the most authentic you can be, and influence will follow.
5 Coaching Questions Someone Should Be Asking You:
1. Who are you serving right now, and how is that going?
2. How do you handle feedback? And what is your response to it?
3. Are you mentoring or investing in anybody?
4. What is your definition of ministry success, and is that shaping your actions?
5. Is there anything you have unexpectedly learned from someone whom you weren’t expecting?